Why this book?
When I spoke to my close friends about writing this book, opinions were divided. Some mentioned the healing effect such a confession would have by the simple fact of articulating it, even without publishing it, others mentioned the necessity to inform the people, others again the need to shake the movement and support dharma, others again the need to support Gail’s testimony or to provide a more balanced view of the guru and her movement. Whatever the opinion was, even when tempted to start writing my personal story, it seemed like an enormous task.
With the support of my friend Dr Jacques Vigne, I started writing something in 2015 and managed just thirty pages during a three-day break before returning to my daily activities. I then let it rest. As a matter of fact, in the twenty-five years after having left the movement I was focusing mostly on reconstructing myself. It took me about seven years to overcome the mountain of rancour, disappointment, perplexity, mourning, loss of faith and spiritual connection. Meanwhile, integrating oneself in European society at forty when having left it at fifteen and building a career from scrap while entirely self-taught is no easy task. I had no resources and had make ends meet. So obviously my focus was on living my present life, not on dwelling on the past.
It is only when I went in retirement and my travel cum education project was brought to a halt due to the sanitary crisis, I felt it was the right moment to pick up the thread of the testimony started five years prior. Nearly thirty years later, I felt I could speak out without the interference of emotions rooted in the past. One thing leading to another, it became this 400-page book.
Contrary to the various opinions mentioned before, I didn’t need to heal myself by writing, as the healing had already taken place a long time ago; I did not feel either like going on a crusade of any kind to bring down anything, provided it would even be possible. I had grown over my perplexity and wasn’t looking for a meaning anymore, besides working on being a good person and on doing the right thing in the moment. Nonetheless, I felt no scruples about speaking out. I just needed to be true to my lifelong principle of truthfulness, to be loyal to the fundamental principles of wisdom that had never left me. Besides, I didn’t consider it right to continue carrying around my ex-guru’s dirty secrets, particularly in the context of having been let down, betrayed and intrigued against by her, “simply” because I had decided to abandon my robes and return to normal life, to be true to myself and honest with others.
So, here you are. People will continue with their own business, following the things they believe in. Meanwhile, here is my testimony for what it is worth. I expect it will provoke various reactions, positive and negative, but if it allows some to open their eyes and focus on their own inner richness, on their empowerment, so much the better.
Spirituality can be a confusing realm, especially when people use it to promote themselves or their clan. However, although sobriety, sense and consistency are not particularly glamorous, they certainly belong to the key-principles seekers should keep in mind.
On the home page, you will find my own introduction to the book as well as a few lines about myself. In the excerpts’ page, you will find the preface of the book and the table of contents. I have also included two chapters from the book: a free interpretation of the biography and the analysis of foreign revenue from 2006 to 2019. Finally, the blog section will host various precisions, reactions and additional details as it goes.
Enjoy your discovery!